Thursday, March 6, 2014

Now I know why Jesus died for our sins . . .

Now I know why Jesus died for our sins . . .

. . . so we could ogle dead babies!

This means, of course, that Gay Ninja Robot went to the “Bodies” exhibit at South Street Seaport. It also means that He’ll never be able to look at a Chinese guy the same way again.

Fuck stereotypes. Those Chinamen are HUNG.

But I think that once you allow yourself to move past the overwhelming eroticism of seeing so many dead guys, you realize . . . [Ed.: Stop wacking out and get to the realization already.] ummm . . . you realize how much human meat looks like animal meat? How precious life is? A little of both?

Besides getting a stiffy over dead dudes, GNR’s been up to all kinds of wacky adventures. So hop aboard boys and girls!

First things first. The episode’s been postponed until summer. But GNR has a copy! The cost of one viewing? A cookie. Hand delivered.

And yes, He’s watched it. And yes, He’s mortified at the prospect of it airing. And yes, He’s grateful Queer Eye’s ratings have tanked lately. And yes, it’s absurdly unfair that revealing your multiple personality disorder on national television should affect people’s judgments about you!

So stop judging.

But yes, bring cookies. And yes, booze too. [Ed.: And yes, you need to vary your sentence structures more. And yes, so do I.]

Second, things are going just swimmingly otherwise, and that’s swell. Have hung out with Sean Maloney and Paul Hackett recently, thanks to the Mix. I also spent much of last night with a young lawyer-type who interrupted our evening constitutional to score some crystal meth, then tried to take me to “The Cock” so he could have “lots of penises in his face,” which he both said and pantomimed.

This one’s for you, NYU Admirer. Now bring me some goddamn motherfuckin’ cookies before I blow your motherfuckin’ headoff.

*pantomimes multiple penises in face*

That’s a wrap. Sorry so short. But expect more soon. Expect it the same way I expect cookies.

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